Buttons, Bouquets, and Walls of Beauty

Imagine your is child having a nightmare. 

Imagine that nightmare has become her waking world.

All of your hugs,

All of your kisses, and words of comfort,

All of them together are not as big

as the nightmare holding her captive.

That is the world my sister is trapped in.

Hospitalized by her own request before she lost the will to fight the

voices urging her to violence.

My sister lying on the floor saying, ''I am good"

"I'm not going to hurt you, call the rescue mommy"

 Lost for the while in her madness

her sweetness still comes through.

The hospital staff see, and look out for her.

It had been so long we had forgotten what schizophrenia means.

Nellie and I sit an the corner of my room and make button flowers.

Set to the task by a friend's request

they are a wall of pretty in the fortress we need

to get through the worry and sadness.

                                             
                                               A sparkling brightness that brings me back

to days of playing with my grandmother's

button tin and feeling it was treasure.

Nellie and I lost in the rather mundane task of looping wire through

button holes and twisting it into a stem

over and over.

Like saying a rosary

or meditating.

Something pretty grows out of the task.

A bit of cheer in the corner catching the light.

I held my sister tonight and sang Christmas songs

in my off key fashion.
Left her in the hands of the hospital staff and

gave her a kiss goodnight.

Then I headed home to my corner of pretty things.

My little one sleeping on my bed behind me.

My girl fixing me a cup of tea,

and me, twisting wire and worry

into hope.

And Love,

And Peace.



of bedbugs and blizzards

yep. bedbugs.  i won't go into the distressing yuckiness of it all.

let's just say it involves emptying out our home of everything but furniture,

many many hours at the laundromat with the very nice owner helping out,

seven people-two hotels rooms for one week,

and a dumpster full of perfectly good things

clothes. books. bedding. toys, even some from this christmas. cd's

and all of my yarn.

and cheap ways to have fun, like walking to the airport and "riding" the skywalk

teenage boys don't seem to have any trouble adapting to hotel life.

dancing and walking backwards to stay in place

enjoying the view

nice fifth position ballet boy

walking and giggling and going home!

oh. into a blizzard.

and making snowed in snowflakes.

without mom's help

look at mine!

snow and more snow

some boys are just happy to be re-united with their best friend

my coffee making snow shoveling helper

really happy to be united

more snuggling with another happy to be home cat

if you drive by my house the windows look like this

and this.

life is slowly getting back to normal. just with a lot less stuff.

it would be overwhelming,

should be.

but just like last year when we lost our house we have been showered with kindness

and support.

our friends, our church, just about everyone.

when you have to get rid of stuff,

lots and lots of stuff,

you realize you will not lose the memories connected to those things,

there is less to dust,

and kindness and love make you happier than a boat load of things ever could.